


Innuendo

by SecretlyaSecret



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Daddy Kink, F/M, Flirting, I literally wrote this instead of studying for a midterm, Innuendo, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Reader-Insert, Suggestive Themes, Typing Quirks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 01:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16379042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyaSecret/pseuds/SecretlyaSecret
Summary: You agree to help Eridan Ampora with his biology homework and get three for the price of one when you meet his housemates.





	Innuendo

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT: This is not canon compliant at all. I've basically cherry picked and bastardized Andrew Hussy's insane fever dream to make it my own insane fever dream. If we could just ignore the gaping plot holes I've created, I would appreciate it. 
> 
> Also, this is self indulgent garbage and I'm not ashamed.

You glanced around nervously as you hopped off the bus and began the short walk to Eridan Ampora’s house. This was easily the nicest neighborhood you’d ever seen, and you were worried you stuck out like a sore thumb.

You and Eridan were in the same biology class and were lab partners. He seemed to be struggling with the subject (particularly the frog dissection, for some weird reason), so you’d volunteered to help tutor him. 

To your surprise, after only a few days wrestling with his pride, Eridan agreed. Which was odd for him. Eridan had a definite superiority complex, especially towards humans. Despite that, he seemed to like you, and you found him oddly charming. You’d even developed a bit of a crush on him. Hopefully you could break him off his prejudice in time. 

You stopped short as you arrived outside a massive house, mansion really, that matched the address Eridan had given you. “Holy shit,” you whispered. 

Unlike most of the houses on the wealthy side of town, with their cubed exteriors bordered by glass walls and infinity pools, Eridan’s house was in a French provision style (thank you 10th grade architecture elective.) The white brick was offset by dark navy roof tiles and elaborately styled lattices along the windows. No wonder Eridan was so self important, if he lived in a place like this. The thing was massive, even for the north side.

You tried to recall what Eridan’s father did for a living, if he lived in a place like this. It was probably something troll related, which made you more lost than ever. You knew little about trolls and had interacted with very few besides Eridan. Most trolls still lived in communities willingly segregated from humans. There were only about twelve trolls in your school that you knew of. 

Though humans had been coexisting with trolls on Earth for just under over twenty years now, relations were still rocky. Most humans were willing to accept the horned aliens, some even fetishized them. But there were still factions of xenophobes who protested against what they thought of as an alien invasion. 

You thought it was a little ridiculous. If the trolls wanted to invade Earth and kill you all, they probably could have done so. Instead, they’d decided to peacefully co-inhabit here after the destruction of their planet. An event you still didn’t understand, as the bill to pass troll-human history and cultural education into common core standards was still being debated in the Senate. Twenty years later. Gotta love bureaucracy. 

To your surprise, there was no gate outside the house, which seemed odd with such a large house (especially when not everyone wanted to coexist peacefully with trolls.) Instead, you walked right up to the door and rang the bell. After a few seconds, the door swung open to a troll other than Eridan. 

“Um, hi,” you said, at a loss for what to do. You couldn’t stop staring at the troll. He looked somewhat like Eridan, with gills along his neck and fanned out ears. There was some sort of scar or tattoo above his eyebrow that looked like the symbol Eridan sometimes wore on his shirt. Yet another facet of troll culture that you had no clue about. 

There was something undeniably handsome about him, and you wondered if he was Eridan’s brother. Only, where Eridan had the polished good looks of a rich kid, this troll was all rugged charm. He leaned against the door jam in a pose of pure arrogance, a growing smirk on his face the longer you stared. You realized with a start that he was dressed like one of those guys from Grease: the T-Birds. 

“Hey doll. Are you lost? Because you’wve stumbled right into my heart,” the troll announced with a grin. He had a similar way of speaking to Eridan, and you wondered if they were brothers. The cheesy pick up line struck you speechless for a moment. He was probably only kidding around, but you weren’t used to having a guy’s attention, even jokingly. 

Finally, you regained your composure. “Hi, I’m (y/n). I promised Eridan that I’d tutor him in biology.” The troll looked briefly disappointed that you weren’t really there to see him, but recovered quickly. 

“A pretty thing like you hanging out with that vwaste of vwater? That’s a crying shame,” the boy tsked, and you found yourself blushing. You figured he was a couple years older than you, probably in college. He must flirt with girls all the time. “I’m Cronus Ampora.”

“Ampora?” you asked. “Are you and Eridan brothers?” Cronus laughed. 

“No. Troll families are different than human families.” He frowned, and then quickly added, “but I’m not a troll. I don’t knovw. It’s complicated.” You weren’t really sure what he meant by ‘not a troll’, but didn’t ask because you didn’t want to be rude. 

“Cronus, why are you just standing with the door open? You’re letting all the air out,” a brogued voice complained from inside the house. A second later, another troll appeared behind Cronus. He was also not Eridan. 

This troll had to be in his thirties, and was tall and broad shouldered enough that you took a nervous step back. Like Eridan often did, this man wore a cape. Two jagged scars split his face, but somehow that only made him handsomer in a rugged way. Your heart, already fast from Cronus’s flirting, skipped a beat when the older troll pinned you with his eyes. “And who might you be, little lass?”

You stuttered out an introduction and what you’d told Cronus about tutoring Eridan. The older troll nodded, as if he’d been expecting you, and elbowed Cronus in the gut. “Well let (y/n) in, boy.” He shook his head as Cronus moved aside and beckoned you in. The scarred troll grinned down at you. “My apologies for this one. Some of us have manners.” 

“Hey, I’m a gentleman!” Cronus protested, but the other troll ignored him. Instead, he took your hand in his own, and to your shock, kissed the back of it. You were pretty sure your whole face was the color of a tomato. Real attractive. 

“Dualscar Ampora, at your service,” the older troll rumbled, staring at you for a long moment before finally releasing your hand. “I assume that you’re Eridan’s age? In… what was that term again? ‘Senior’ year?”

“Older, actually,” you replied. “I’m nineteen, but Eridan and I are in the same grade.” For some reason, they both seemed pleased by this information, though who knew why. “Eridan is here, right?” Nervous for no good reason, you glanced everywhere but the two handsome trolls surrounding you. The inside of the house was even more lavish than the exterior.

“He is. Asshole is newver on time. Like’s to be fashionably late and all that. He probably savw you coming up the driwvway and is hiding in his room vwaiting to make a dramatic entrance,” Cronus drawled. You laughed. That did sound like Eridan. “He’ll come dovwn soon.”

“Would you like a drink, lass?” Mr. Ampora asked, still watching you intently. You realized you didn’t even know if a troll house would have human food or drink in it. The education system here really was abysmal. 

“No thanks, Mr. Ampora,” you replied. Mr. Ampora chuckled. 

“Just Dualscar to you, love.” The ’love’ made you blush, and though you were hesitant to use a parent’s first name, you weren’t even sure Dualscar was Eridan or Cronus’s dad. Also, you had the sense that Dualscar wouldn’t take no for an answer. 

“Oh, okay, Dualscar. Um, are you Eridan’s dad?” The question made Cronus laugh, but Dualscar just shook his head. 

“I am not. I am his guardian in a way, but trolls don’t have familial relationships the way humans do. The concept of parents still confuses me,” Dualscar responded kindly. You nodded your head. It seemed that trolls were as confused by humans as humans were by trolls. It made you feel better about your own cluelessness. 

“Trolls don’t do dads, doll,” Cronus chimed in. “But vwe do daddies.” 

You almost choked on your own spit, glancing at Dualscar for help, but found that he was fighting back a smirk. You reassured yourself that maybe they didn’t really understand what a daddy kink was, given that their species didn’t even have fathers, but they both seemed pretty confident in the knowledge, given the smirks. 

If Eridan didn’t come down soon, you were toast. If you’d thought your crush on the youngest Ampora was bad, now you had three of them to contend with. 

Mercifully, Dualscar eventually took pity on you by asking “so, you are tutoring Eridan in human biology?” Finally, some normal conversation. 

“Yeah. Our school is working on a troll biology course for next semester, so I’m hoping Eridan can help me with that.” Too late, you realized the trap you’d walked right into. 

“I can help you out vwith troll biology any time, doll,” Cronus winked. 

“You should seek me for help,” Dualscar interrupted. “I have more experience than this grub. I can give you the master class.”

“Could the twwo of you stop harassing my guest?” A voice growled from the stairs. You sighed in relief as Eridan descended toward you. “No one is teaching her troll biology but me.” Yet again, you blushed at the implication. 

Eridan stepped down from the stairs and approached the three of you. His rings clattered in irritation as he waved a dismissive gesture towards the other two. “Come on, (y/n), wwe’re late to start studyin as it is.” You rolled your eyes affectionately, given that he was the one who was late. 

“It was nice meeting you two,” you called to Cronus and Dualscar as Eridan dragged you up the expansive marble staircase. 

“The pleasure vwas all mine, Doll.”

“You’re welcome in the Ampora household anytime.”

Suffice to say, you tutored Eridan at his house many, many more times after that.

**Author's Note:**

> This is re-posted to my Devianart and Quotev account, so if you see it elsewhere I promise it's not plagiarized lol


End file.
